Posts Tagged ‘help’

Today is very special. It’s our anniversary. My husband and I have been married for 44 years. He stuck by my side through the best and worst of times. He’s a gem.

During the worst of times, when my bipolar was out of control, I didn’t feel I deserved him. I felt I was ruining his life. I wished I could die so he’d be rid of me and wouldn’t have to put up with my roller coaster moods anymore. During the worst depressions I would often think of ending my life. I figured that he would hurt for a while but then he’d realize that he was free from living through my hell with me. I tried to shield him from my moods but he could read me.

There were four occasions where I actually planned how to commit suicide and was ready to go through with it. I had promised my husband, that should that day come, I would tell him. I kept my word on each occurrence and he took me to the hospital for help. The last time was the charm—the doctor in that hospital put me on a combination of meds that nearly eliminated the cycling moods. The hypomanias have been eliminated completely. The depressions are now very few and shallow. They are pretty easy to control and keep from escalating. It’s been two years now and I’m still doing very well.

My husband fought this battle right beside me. He never gave up even when I wanted to. Communication was the key in our getting through it. He kept me talking and sharing what I was feeling and going through even when I didn’t want to but wanted to shut down. Those talks gave me the strength to dig deeper for tools to overcome and push through.

I know there are a lot of people out there with bipolar who feel alone, unlovable and that you will never know what it feels like to be well again. That is the greatest lie this disorder can tell us. It is the depression talking. It’s also the frustration talking. If you have a family member or close friend who you can talk to, share what you experience with him or her but initially do it when you are in a semi-controlled state if you can. You’ll be less emotional and make more sense. Our loved ones can’t help us if they don’t understand. The only way they can get a sense of what bipolar or depression is like is if we share and give them the information so they can learn. Direct them to websites that educate about bipolar. Let him or her come to an appointment with your psychiatrist for therapist so s/he can ask questions and learn. We need all the help we can get otherwise it’s a long and lonely journey.


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When I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, my psychiatrist and my husband were the only people that knew. And only my psychiatrist and I knew what meds I was on and why. My family physician didn’t know and I didn’t have a therapist yet.

 I read an article about the importance of sharing information between doctors so that they and I would be my healthcare team. A loved one (my husband) would also take part and be prepared to act as an advocate in case I can’t speak for myself. This really made me think hard.

Why is it so important? Most of us don’t have doctors who talk to each other. My family physician knows my diagnosis so she can be aware of improvements or declines in my condition. She also checks my thyroid and cholesterol levels along with a few other tests to know whether or not my medications are impacting my health. They have in a couple of areas so I was able to report back to my psychiatrist exactly what my physician found. We were then able to discuss whether or not I needed an adjustment or change in my meds

 I eventually did find a therapist and kept him informed of all that was going on medically. He could often tell if there were changes for better or worse and suggest what I might want to discuss with my doctors. He also helped me deal with my early frustrations with just having bipolar and my fears about what the meds might do and were doing to my body. (I just started seeing a new therapist and like her so far.)

I keep my husband informed of all that is discussed with all of these doctors and the therapist. Often, he goes with me to the psychiatrist so he can ask questions because he wants to be a strong support for me..

I am the one at the core of this team, keeping each of them informed of what is happening with the others. And I work hard at leading a healthy and active life. I’ve learned numerous coping skills to help me live a productive and normal life as best as is possible.   And the coping skills that I use are discussed with everyone on my team. I have been reminded by one or the other of them a couple of times to remember to use music or some other method that slipped my mind

My husband, my psychiatrist, my physician, my therapist and I make a good team and I can say I’m quite healthy because of it.

Have you put together a team or plan and has it worked well for you?

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I’ll be on my way to see a psychologist in a couple of hours. It’s someone new. I’ve seen a couple in the past few years and they helped a little with a couple of issues but I just didn’t feel I got support with my bipolar and social/relationship issues (my husband is not a problem). After a few visits I’d be told we’re done for now until you have another issue, but the above issues were not addressed fully. I hope this new woman will be up to working with me. I’m not a difficult person—I’ve been told so. But I do work hard to face up to and overcome my problems. I expect my therapist, who I am paying, to put in a good effort with me while I do the hard work.   But I expect honesty and forthrightness. I want her to be blunt, to challenge me. I don’t understand the messages behind gentleness, coddling or wishy-washy.

Some people like the laid back gentle approach and that’s okay—for them. I need straightforward, let’s get to the point, get to the heart of the matter now approach. If we need to dig deep, lets dig and peel away the layers. I don’t want to dance around them before processing them.

I’m an adult who is smart and capable and I want to be treated that way. I’m not broken.  I want to be whole and well and to continue growing as a person who has something to give to this world.

I hope this woman is up to the challenge. I’m sure there are many people like me out there who want to voice their expectations to their therapist.

My husband likes her and thinks she’ll be good for me. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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It’s morning here and I should be getting ready for work and I don’t want to go.  I had a good sleep but I feel tired.  There are thunderstorms heading this way so I could blame it on the weather but I know that’s not the whole truth.  I’m tired of fighting the fight to get up each day and try to stay positive, to try not to be argumentative, to try to stay focused on each task before me.  I’m tired of people interrupting me all day long during my workday asking questions about how to do their work when they keep taking me away from doing my own.  I’m tired of working in an office known for not getting things done in a timely fashion and my suggestions to streamline getting kicked out the door.  You either cut down on unecessary details that eat up huge blocks of time or nothing gets better.  Well, the powers that be keep adding details which make my job harder.  I’ve got 6-1/2 more months to go but I don’t know if I’ll make it there alive.  I’m really down and all the positive thinking I try to do changes nothing.  My doc says its the meds change and it will take time, that I need to monitor my thoughts and not look back.  He says that it won’t be easy–it will be very hard.  Well, he’s right about that.  I need help and I don’t know where to get it or if anyone can help.  Depression stinks.

I’m sorry for a sad post, but this is my reality.  I do still wish you sunny days.

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Rev. Shane L. Bishop

Musings of Rev. Shane L. Bishop


some scars can’t be seen

Story of My Life

Things I've learned. Things I've seen. Things I've experienced.

Pieces of Bipolar

One of a kind bipolar II rapid cycling navigating the world one day at a time

Bipolar Me

My Experience Only. YMMV.

Damon Lifestyle Therapy

workplace ergo+wellness


The Thorn In My Side

Shedding Light on Mental Health

Inspiring hope. Changing minds.