I can’t believe I’ve been away from here for 5 months! I was granted a transfer to another office in August. What an answer to prayer! There is seldom any stress and my supervisor is very organized. I am actually getting a little antsy because I’m so used to a frantic pace that I feel I need more to do. Not so, in reality. I know the job is cyclical (like my moods, hah) and will start getting busy again very soon. I love the job and enjoy the people.
A great deal has happened since June. I’ve had major ups and downs and fought to stay focused on positive things; things for which I am grateful. My spouse is very supportive, my kids and grandkids are healthy, we live in a beautiful part of the country, I’ve discovered who my real friends are and I’ve found a great job.
Even so, I took a nosedive into severe depression in September and I think it was triggered by 2 visits, a week apart, to a therapist recommended by my psychiatrist. She started out wanting to get to know me by finding out about my past and how I felt about various events. My psychiatrist specifically didn’t want me to go there, so the therapist’s line of questioning was a major, agonizing, trigger and I was just an impulse away from suicide. Thankfully, the psychiatrist took over my therapy and after 2 months and prescribing a mood stabilizer (Lamictal) in addition to my antidepressant (Cymbalta), we have made major strides. He added Seroquel to be taken at night to help me sleep because Ambien stopped working and I had to wean off of it. Well, the Seroquel’s not working and by mid-day, I feel happy, sad, agitated, full of energy, and worried all at the same time. Ugh! I’ll see the psychiatrist next week.
In spite of it all, life is looking brighter. I know my triggers, I catch my negative thinking and can usually turn it around, and I know God is always with me. My hope is that I can use what I learn through all of this to help others with mood disorders and other mental illnesses. That is one thought that keeps me working to move forward.
Wishing you sunny days, health and peace,
Journey
Finding Joy Again 